Can't let go
by Icy-Windbreeze
Summary: They say that hope is the last thing that leaves us.


First of all: Happy valentines day! Doesn't matter if you're single or in a relationship, I still hope that you're feeling love around you.

Secondly: Yes, I am fully aware of my lack of updates. Truly sorry for that. I've got no legitimate reasons except the usual "life goes on"ones.

BUT at least I wrote this...right?

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**Disclaimer:**** Don't own the wonderful characters from Mai Hime which is a crushing realityand sadly I need to stick with that.**

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Looking at the ruins of Fuuka Gakuen, one could almost hardly understand what took place. The destruction and anguish it caused at the almost cost of the entire world. Neither does it justify the burden on the, ordinarily twelve but currently, thirteen Himes. One could hardly understand the situations and feelings they were put through. Then almost with a whim of magic everything that had happened were restored, just like that. Unfortunately, the restoration didn't apply for them, never for them, always everyone else. Never did they have the fortune to enjoy a normal and peaceful life.

Before the carnival, there were existing problems and in the aftermath, even more appeared. It wasn't fair and nobody claimed that it was. Everybody seemed to accept the cruel fact that some things just weren't meant to be. Nobody questioned anything since they were too tired. The constant fear of losing and the insanity left them drained. Trying to recover the precious things lost, such as time and love.

One woman found herself back at the scene where it all began, the mad circle that entrapped them all but mostly her. Even if every single one of the others were recovering, she was still suffering. The snare of the red star had released her and yet she still couldn't let go. Standing there with the slight wind blowing in her hair just watching the scenario being repeated in her head. What drew her into this world of madness and hopelessness in the first place? What made it so difficult to just let go? If her heart were willing to it would all be so much easier. At the thought of unshackling herself of the burden and pain, her heart answered by constricting agonizingly. The dull throbbing that has become natural, shouldn't be but has, the one in which she has learnt to live with since...that day.

It's strange really how easily she got caught in those emerald eyes. It's not as if she has never seen green eyes before. Despite the rareness, it wasn't the first time, but those were different and she was different. The girl was a fascinating character that made you involuntarily and helplessly drawn, stopping was never an option. There was nothing else to do except willingly succumb to the enchanting beauty displayed before you, while falling deeper and deeper into darkness. The feasting desire nestled deep inside her heart simply waited for an opportunity to grow. It surely grew, rapidly and unstoppable forcing its way through whatever reason left. Now trailing behind her is the bitter aftertaste of blood. She could still feel the heavy stench of copper when she left the scene of her massacre. It didn't bother her much. Not how the world saw her nor the way she acted. It felt perfectly natural and reasonable enough. Nevertheless, when those judgmental orbs of green gazed upon her, breaking whatever self-control she ever possessed, it suddenly felt wrong. As faulty as it never have felt before and she wanted to escape. For the first time crumbling under the pressure and casting away whatever pride left, she just wanted to get away, away from those gentle and forgiving eyes. Because that's the least she deserved at the moment.

Another woman arrived at the exact same location. She was scanning the surroundings and her breathing irregular as if in a hurry. She wore a worried expression on her otherwise beautiful face. She took in the close area with every damage caused and effort of repairing the vicinity. There was a distressed call made to her, which was the sole reason for her appearance, about a certain brunette. A person she held dear and they had a long history together, complicated but long.

As a child, she never received the warmth or safety she wished for resulting in a rebellious nature along with a cold exterior demeanor. Despite the mistakes, she made and the trouble caused, this person still found the time and patience to befriend her. Her stubbornness was slowly worn down and she found her first friend.

It couldn't have been easy for her friend. She wasn't like everybody else. She disliked small talk and never much cared for affectionate acts. But it never bothered her friend. Their friendship was solely based upon a silent vow of protectiveness towards one another. Each had their own ways of handling danger and shielding their loved ones. It never became a problem until they clashed. That was when they discovered the hidden secret's between them and the hidden attraction, which became the devastating factor in it all.

-"Dammit, where is she..."

Beginning to feel slightly agitated over her lack of results, the woman knitted her eyebrows together in an effort to contemplate on possible spots where her missing friend could be. She thought she looked everywhere. There aren't many places to hide since almost every possible building is somewhat destroyed. Where did she miss? She tried to calm herself down; surely, there must be somewhere...

Her eyes widened at the sudden realization and before fully comprehending it all her legs already took off with the body. She ran as fast as she could, almost afraid of what she will find. The slight breeze felt like a full-blown wind preventing her from reaching her destination fast enough. The air felt cold. Stopping and standing there, panting as if there were no tomorrow, she arrived and a whisper of name escaped between her ragged breaths.

-"Shizuru..."

It was like in a beautiful pained picture, the pink flowerbed surrounding the enchanting beauty sitting amidst it all. The one thing out of place was the sorrowed expression; her eyes seemed dull and lack the usual radiant shine. It made the newly arrived woman's heart sink. The other female seemed to have yet to notice that she had company. She was still deep in her thoughts, or sorrows. The other woman softly kneeled down beside, startling the transfixed from her daze.

-"Natsuki!"

The referred woman gave a weak smile.

-"Hey..."

The shocked individual seemed surprise at the Natsuki's sudden appearance and perhaps that is understandable, they haven't properly talked to each other since the end of the carnival.

-"What...what brings you here?"

Natsuki chuckled deeply while turning her head and looked at her friend.

-"I could ask you the same. Reito said that you never came to your meeting, he was worried so he asked that I look for you..."

-"I had entirely forgotten about it...I'm sorry that he troubled you with such trivial matters."

Shizuru gave a weak smile. Natsuki's gaze hardened and it made Shizuru involuntarily flinch.

-"This isn't like you."

-"What, exactly? Apologizing?"

-"No, forgetting things. What's wrong?"

The older woman found it hard to breathe with those piercing eyes of green watching and averted her gaze.

-"Nothing."

-"Don't lie to me, Shizuru!"

The biker rarely snapped at Shizuru and the sudden sharpness in her voice pierced her deep. She felt one hand on each of her shoulder, slowly turning her around facing her most precious.

-"Tell me...what's wrong?"

-"I simply haven't got enough sleep."

-"How long?"

-"Pardon?"

The former school president seemed genuinely shocked over the sudden display of care.

-"How long since you've had a good night's sleep?"

It was apparent that she didn't have an answer when she started to stutter. It didn't help when her gaze was everywhere but near Natsuki.

-"Answer me honestly, Shizuru. When was the last time you've slept?"

That was when Shizuru made the faultiest move possible. She looked straight into those green eyes she has come to love...and hate. Feeling the familiar feeling of sinking into those orbs and the helplessness, she felt every time.

-"Don't do this to me, Natsuki. Please, don't..."

-"Don't what?"

She felt her willpower slipping. In a desperate attempt in pushing those gentle hands away because her mind kept screaming that she should run and yet those hands stubbornly held her right in place, preventing her from escaping.

-".What's. Wrong."

Each word felt like it was pounding her mind demanding to be let in, she wanted to refuse.

-"Stop caring about me."

-"What?"

This seemed to be the last thing Natsuki expected to hear.

-"Why?"

The older girl could feel how Natsuki froze. Shizuru felt like a moron.

-"Because if you don't, you're making it more difficult for me to stop loving you. Because if you don't I will love you even more."

She had vowed to herself never let Natsuki know. That despite the fact that the red star amplified their emotions those feelings never left her, even though that the star is destroyed it's still all there and has never left.

-"God knows I've tried...to rid myself of these improper feelings that should have never been born. But I just can't. You won't leave my mind or my heart in peace. The words I said and the actions I chose has haunted me ever since. There hasn't been a day I have gone without this plaguing guilt and the fact that I am so sorry. I just don't know how to even begin...or end."

The thoughts she had carried ever since were pouring out like an unstoppable flow and it was filled with anguish. Natsuki lightly lifted up Shizuru's head to meet her eyes.

-"I already told you before that I forgave you for that."

-"You may have forgiven but...have you forgotten?"

Sad ruby eyes watched Natsuki silently.

-"Have you?"

There was a quiet sight of defeat before the answer.

-"No, I haven't."

Shizuru was prepared that it would hurt to know the obvious truth, she never imagined that it could sting that much when hearing it from Natsuki in person. They both sat there in silence. Each second that passed seemed too long and the serene stillness felt more constricting than comfortable. Slowly Shizuru rose from her seat and brushed off her object of affections hands. It was over. She turned around and prepared to walk away, there was nothing holding her back anymore.

-"Wait."

Shizuru stopped in her walk. Though her mind had accepted, her heart still blindly listened.

-"I haven't forgotten about what happened between us during the carnival but...I also haven't forgotten about the time we first met, the time we spent together or everything we've meant both said and unsaid things."

Shizuru could hear her heart beating loudly in her ears.

-"I'm sorry that I can't simply forget it all but that's because I now know that forgetting doesn't solve anything. It just doesn't work that way. But if there's one thing I've learned, that's the fact that we can work this out...together. Right now I don't know anything except that..."

Somewhere along the speech, Shizuru had started to cry. When? She didn't know. Why? Well, that must be the only evident thing she knew. It was as if she shortly stopped breathing. A pair of arms enveloped her in a soft embrace. Her knees finally gave out and together they dropped to the ground, with the final whispering ringing in her heart and soul.

-"...I just can't seem let you go."

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Okay, so maybe not all fluffy that you would have expected it but it's the best I've got right now. It was either that or really angsty stuff and it doesn't really fit the theme of the day. As for why I wrote it...I wouldn't say that it's a pointless fic. I just want to point out the fact that it doesn't revolve only on forgiving and forgetting but also on moving on. Maybe I just want to give Shizuru some peace because I feel sorry for her. It can't be easy to move on, it's never easy but you still gotta do it to survive.

Please drop a line, it doesn't have to be an essay, but if it happens to be I don't really mind either ^^ gives me an challenge when I'm about to reply *smile*

Until next time then!

/ Icy Windbreeze


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